I've been AWOL.
I was discussing with a friend about having a studio and how wonderful it would be to have a "SPACE".
One that was only for creating. It is becoming more and more my goal.
I think "I would paint if I had a space to create." Now my paints are upstairs and downstairs and there is no place for me to spread out and make a mess. By the time I gathered everything up, set down drop cloths, spread out...goodness. I'd be too exhausted to think.
I think "I would blog more if I had a safe spot to blog." Coming into my office to tap away on the computer is daunting because there are also bills in there. Income tax half done. The dreaded FAFSA to finish up. Car insurance to be followed up on. The car still hasn't been repaired from that November -2015- deer incident. HOA nasty grams to reply to. LIFE intrudes in my office.
This is the cleaned up version of the desk.
It still gives me hives looking at it.
Nothing kills a creative spirit more than reality. Maybe that's not true but it seems that way to me these days.
I create in my head constantly. So many blog posts run through my brain. Probably a third actually make it into the computer. Blogging on the iPad is so tedious I have to be desperate. I don't have a laptop, only a desk computer. In that office. You know, the one with LIFE in it also.
A letter from Sarah Jewett to Willa Cather sums it up quite nicely:
And to write and work on this level, we must live on it — we must at least recognize it and defer to it at every step. We must be ourselves, but we must be our best selves.*
If I want to really write, really paint, really connect with my creativity I cannot let LIFE intrude.
I need to clear my mind and create.
Because when I do....I lose myself. Once I start typing, it might be an hour later when I realize I'm done. Where did that hour go? It was spent in a world absent of time. A wonderful world where it is me and the computer and words and fonts. The same thing can happen with paints or colored pencils.
Let's be real here. I write for me. The fact that people actually read what I write is just icing on the cake. I write because I have to get the words out of my head.
Maybe I'm just making excuses?
If I really had to create, wouldn't I? No matter what or where?
Probably I just need DISCIPLINE.
Look at that fabulous drawing table.
It sits mostly unused in the corner of the game room.
Because it is the KID'S space.
(And the scary self portrait I did in college.
Gave the kids nightmares when they were little.)
What do you think? Can you lose yourself in creativity when the world is tugging at your hem?
Is inspiration enough to make you ignore everything else clamoring for your attention? I will say sometimes yes, sometimes no to that one.
This weekend I am spending with my beautiful middle child in West Palm Beach, followed by a few days with one of my most creative friends. Do you have certain people that inspire you? That encourage your mind to go where it only dreamed of? I've been trying to find those people and bring them back into my life.
So until next week.